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Dating etiquette call text can message anyone about anything. Maybe instead we can learn to treat each other as equal players of a very silly game that we all secretly take quite seriously. I write about gender on the Internet for crying out loud! But every day, when I log into the dating site of my choice, I play the passive role, the receiver of attention, the awaiter of messages. Basically, I act like an entitled jerk who can pull puppet strings and make OkCupid dance for me however I please.

This is not the behavior I would expect of a feminist, sex-positive 21st century lady. I wish the evidence pointed to something else, something egalitarian and modern, but when I get real with my own online dating M. Once in a blue moon? This is not how I want this work, but I condone it with my inaction. As we know, women are people, and people tend to be shallow. Physical attraction tends to make people seem fascinating when they are not. And you have, so you do. After lust and novelty fade, you need something to hang onto if you want to keep a relationship going—some sort of shared context, or compatible goals, or whatever.

Your dating pool is super distorted.

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Fortunately, the solution here is simple. Go out with women if you lookong yourself having a future with them. Find women who are relatable. What I mean will become clear if I talk, once again, about my own experience. I have a decent wardrobe, I keep my shoes shined, and I get nice haircuts. And I learned this the hard way: This is highly fixable. There are about a million routes to being a more interesting person. And they all fall roughly under the same guideline: Interesting people are people who are interested in stuff, so you should become more interested in your own life.

Do you tend to have funny thoughts?

Learn dtaing to say them out loud so they amuse other people. Interested in politics, but never really pursued that interest? Volunteer for a campaign, and see what that teaches you.


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